Lupus

Distractions

Emily Provost — Mon, 15 Jan 2007 13:57:00 GMT

Lately I really love these shows: Brothers and Sisters, Dirt, and Dance Life on Mtv. SNL was delicious this week as well with Jake Gyllenhaal and his fearless monologue and also the always enjoyable Shins.

I finished The Namesake and loved every last second of it. (Here's a blog about production that is interesting) Then I gobbled up Confessions of a Video Vixen on Sunday. It was awful. Awfully good that is. In a most salacious, scandalous way. Just look at the cover. I was embarrassed checking the thing out at the library. Last night I started Eat,Pray,Love, which is proving to be fantastic. I went to bed far too late because I was totally engrossed. This is the perfect read for me right now. She's a wonderful writer, has a calming voice but is really funny and real. She also seems to zero in on the things that are important in life.

Things are sort of up in the air with me at the moment physically, mentally, emotionally. Life is chaotic. I just try to remember and breathe. Day by day. Distraction is also key for me. I've been really good at that.

Here's something weird: I found a therapist through our insurance that was close to our house and she told me straight away that she didn't have a lot of room on her schedule for new patients but she would see me once and then refer me to someone else. I agreed, desperate to verbally vomit out everything that has been going on with me. We talked. She was lovely and wise. At the end of the appointment she said calmly "you know, I am going to try to find some time in my schedule because I think we'd be a really good fit. My specialty is working with people with chronic illness and...I don't know if I should be telling you this but...I have lupus."

I was gobsmacked. What are the odds?? Relief poured over me. She gets it. Immediately.

I have been missing yoga like you would not believe. Because of the friggin herniated disc, the doc doesn't want me going even after my soulful plea to let me still go. It's so therapuetic for me that when I don't go I am left sort of depleted and empty. So...more physical therapy and when she clears me I'm heading straight to a class.

Shout out to RMP - "A lament in one ear, maybe - but always a song in the other." Isle of View.

Moist

Emily Provost — Wed, 27 Sep 2006 12:21:00 GMT

The day’s soundtrack consists of Bob Marley and The Beatles. Finn and Hadley are obsessed with The White Album, specifically the song Piggies. We must have listened to it 15 times this morning until I finally couldn’t stand it anymore.

Speaking of songs, I’ve had the song Green Green by The New Christy Minstrels in my head for two days. Are you happy, RMP? Obscure folk tunes infiltrate my brain and stay there.

Craving chocolate cake like a mutha yesterday I made one and felt like a fancy pants because it turned out well and not crappy per usual. It was supreme. Before we ate it the kids were insistent upon candles. So I let Hadley put a bunch on, we turned off all the lights and proceeded to sing “Happy Tuesday to You. Happy Tuesday to you. Happy Tueeeesdayyyy dear Provosts, Happy Tuesday to you.” And then we all blew out the candles together. It was one of those “remember this” moments where time freezes for a second, everything aligns, I am relaxed and full of joy and my heart goes “ding”.

Fear not, it only lasted a brief moment or two before the normal cacophony ensued, tears were shed and cake was everywhere. It was sweet while it lasted.

Celeb news has been really sad/freaky/shocking lately. Along the shocking lines…Howard K Stern (her lawyer) is the father of Anna Nicole’s baby and they’re getting married?! What the? She named the baby Danilynne. Oh.

I leave for Denver tomorrow and COULD. NOT. BE. ANY. MORE. EXCITED. Get ready Mile High City! I’m really so excited to be in Denver again. Wish I could stay longer. It will be a short trip. Sigh…Been feeling ok so that’s good. One day at a time. I’m meeting with my trainer today so we’ll see how that goes.

To A in CA. I am wishing you well…

So Long. Farewell. Auf Weidersen. Adieu.

So Pretty It Hurts

Emily Provost — Mon, 25 Sep 2006 20:55:00 GMT

Fabulous weekend. Love it when that happens. Saturday night I met up with E,R and A at Trader Vic’s for dinner and cocktails before heading to a fashion show.

Trader Vic’s was… “eh”. I wasn’t really impressed with anything actually. Oh wait, that’s not true. My mojito was really delish. E nailed it when she said she felt like we were on a cruise. I think the majority of the people there remember the original Trader Joe’s from the 40s and used to hang out there when they were in their 30s. Lots of blue hair and tropical printed blazers.

We headed over to the show and grabbed some cocktails.

If I was this excited at some little rinky dink show in Bellevue, WA I think I would pee in my pants at Fashion Week in NYC. Note to self: Try to get to Fashion Week in NYC. We whispered back and forth to each other as each model walked by, commenting on what we liked, what we hated, etc. There was “oohing” and “ahhing” amongst the girls about these two male twins but I just wasn’t feeling it. They looked like douchebags. Make that Douchebags with a capital D. You know their favorite movie is “Dude, Where’s My Car?” and they had that look on their faces. You know the look. The male model look. The “I-can’t-figure-out-if-I’m-hungry-or have-to-take-a-crap” look. Only it’s worse because they’re concentrating really hard on having that look. I obviously have spent way too much time thinking about this.

After the show, it came up that it would be fun to walk on the runway. I swished up to the security guard and asked as politely as I could if we could take some pictures on the runway. “Five Minutes” he said. I squealed and when to get the girls. We then proceeded to have our own fashion show. Witness. Oh and I now know why models/actresses weigh as much as a 5th grade boy. I could see it being VERY easy to get scary thin. Especially after viewing this picture where I look like I frequent all you can eat buffets.

Anyway, it was a stellar night spent with really fun girls. Cheers to my favorite runway bitches.

Speaking of runways though…America’s Next Top Model makes me feel 80 years old. They’re all 14 and rail thin. I do love Anchal. She literally is so pretty it hurts. I would love it if she won. To be continued though…she could get ugly really fast if she sucks.

Sunday we packed up the wee ones and went to the Zoo. A totally spontaneous thing, which usually blows up in our faces, turned out to be downright delightful. Truly. Rah rah Team Provost. You make me so proud.

The deliciousness of this weekend ran over into today. I had yoga this morning and this afternoon we were supposed to meet friends at a park but I ended up not being able to find it so we went to our old standby, Pine Lake Park. Per usual, the kids immediately ditched the playground to go play by the lake and on the pier. It was a gorgeous day and may be the last of its kind so I took off their clothes and let them go hog wild. They loved it. There was much splashing, squealing and duck chasing. Ever since the duck grabbing incident of 2004, Hadley is convinced she can catch another one. She almost did.

And finally, I will leave you with my favorite picture of late. My darling son sporting his sister’s swimsuit OVER his clothes. He wore it for most of the day last week. Awesome.

B is for Betty and P is for Party

Emily Provost — Thu, 21 Sep 2006 13:02:00 GMT

I am feeling a little better today. Had been out of commission basically this week. Who knows what has been causing the latest symptoms. I’m so sick of myself I can’t even stand it. When I meet with my doc she just throws more pills at me and acts like I came to her house and woke her up to bother her. Um, you work for me. I don’t need that added stress. Blech. The pain is bizarre. Fatigue coupled with distracting back, neck and shoulder pain. Like someone is standing on my shoulders and has been for 2 weeks. You know the type of pain that makes you slightly nauseous? Lying down in a quiet room is lovely. yeah, like THAT happens a lot. She gave me muscle relaxants that I’m supposed to take every night before bed and in a few weeks that is supposed to alleviate the pain. Whatever.

Peter’s best pal PBF was in town on business last week for a few days. I picked him up after meeting with my trainer (which ruled – more later) at about 4 and we went to Chipotle and got margaritas and Laughed. Our. Asses. Off. Seriously my face hurt. At least three times I laughed so hard I wasn’t making any noise. I was slapping my knee and snickering without caring who heard and clapping high in the air like Louise did at my wedding. Sigh…there’s a reason they say “laughter is the best medicine”. He is a phenomenal story teller and just such a fun person to be around. Amazing energy. Peter says he’s the boy version of me, which just makes me like him that much more. Ha. We went back to the house to meet Peter after work and then headed to Pomegranate for dinner. More laughing. I’m laughing just typing now. I had the much talked about Chocolate soup from last year’s menu and it was a disappointment. Where are the homemade peanut butter cookies? What the hell is an O-WEE-O and won’t don’t you just call it “poor mans’s Oreo”? Sheesh. I comforted myself by sipping Peter’s espresso martini and Brian’s chocolate Martini. Yes, please.

Back to the trainer. Her name is Penelope and she is one part Jackie from Work Out and one part Stevie Nicks. That calming, witchy, magical part of Stevie Nicks. Anyway, she is soothing but firm, which I like. Plus, she was slinging compliments at me so that doesn’t hurt. I’ll train with her once a week for a few weeks and then just once a month. I’m hoping it helps with everything. My doctor was really excited about it and said that she wondered when I was going to do that. What? Um, you never told me to see a trainer so I figured it out on my own, jackass. See what I mean? Suddenly I loathe her. She is, no doubt, a very smart woman but I need someone with some interpersonal skills. Makes me wish my mom was a rhuematologist so I could just go see her.

The quest for a new bag continues as I discovered that the Chloe “Betty” is not my long lost soul mate as I had originally envisioned. The lovely woman at the shop (who I imagine to be long and lean with a penchant for toothbrushes and brunch type food) kindly sent me the bag so I could check it out. I opened it and my heart sank. Twas not the bag for me. I loved it in the picture but in person, it fell flat and immediately made me think of a carry-on bag from the 70s. I had gotten my hopes up and had already pictured myself stomping around town with it. Ah well…

Finn’s hair growth experiment stopped being fun and started driving me crazy because he just looked like a raggamuffin. We got his haircut today and she cut it so he could have the mohawk if I gel it up. He pleads for me to do it. And he wants to wear his Paul Frank monkey shirt everyday too.

Shout out to Frank. Rest in Peace fat cat. Also, get ready Denver, I’ll be there in a week.

If You Were A Reality Show I'd Watch You

Emily Provost — Tue, 12 Sep 2006 16:38:00 GMT

I will get this issue of Elle and pour over every picture of La Drew. She’s fantastic and I love that she looks like a woman and not a 10 year old boy, like most starlets…Although I could do without the butterfly tattoo. Completely. The butterfly is just too cutesy. And she doesn’t need to be showing her belly. I think if you’re over 20, it’s just cheesy. (cough cough Janet Jackson cough cough)

Still feeling like crap. Shocker. Dear pain pills…glad we’re close.

I’ve seriously been a little loopy since the weekend. Being doped up makes me feel, well, dopey, but it’s better than feeling like absolute shit and hurting everywhere. nausea, Fatigue, achy muscles. No joints though…which is weird. What isn’t weird about this stupid disease though? I’m thinking it may be a reaction to Arava. I have a doctor appointment on Friday to see what the deal is. Per usual, I’m sure there will be no answer. I need to go see a new doctor. I just need to get off my ass and do it. .(You’re so right, Aimee…) It’s criminal that I haven’t gotten a second opinion. I just winced even typing that because I need to do it.

I’m rambling.

So sad that Anna Nicole Smith’s son died. What the? I know she is a whackjob and crazy as a yardbird but that is sad.

Weeds last night did not disappoint and is definitely my favoritey favorite. For those of you not in the know, go rent Season 1 at the Blockbuster, or NetFlix or whatever the kids are using these days.

Speaking about “kids these days” I said “hey bitch” (a la Paris Hilton) to a friend the other day thinking I was being funny because it’s always funny to my SMA pals and this woman just looked at me, in horror. I nervously laughed and said “Uh, it’s a term of endearment.” She said “It is??” and I said “Yeah, apparently a lot of kids are saying it these days.”

Um, what am I? 100? A lot of kids are saying it these days? Shoot me now. Am I turning into the mom I hated when I was a kid? The mom who tries to use kid lingo and act young? That would be tragic. Please alert me at any and all signs of this happening.

On another random note, I rented Pieces of April this weekend and I loved it. Katie Holmes is the title character, April, and before I watched it I said I would give it 10 minutes and if I couldn’t look at her without thinking of that crazy person Tom Cruise, then I would turn it off. Turns out, she was really good in it and I loved it. It made me want to have dyed hair and gothic tendencies and date a black guy who looked menacing but really had a heart of gold. I wanted to call my mom in the middle of it and tell her to rent it because I think she would like it too because she’s cool like that but I would also have to tell her not to watch with my Dad because he always thinks my suggestions are insane. (I adored Amelie and my parents went to see it and my Dad was like “What in the Sam Hell???”)

A Good Fish

Emily Provost — Wed, 06 Sep 2006 21:27:00 GMT

Vanity Fair published the pics of the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes baby and she is gorgeous I have to say…

I sort of feel bad now for believing all of the stuff people were saying about it being a fake baby or an alien because Cruise is such a freak. Can you imagine having a photo spread of you done by Annie Leibovitz when you’re 3 months old? You can’t find baby pics of yourself when you’re older? Just reference October 2006 of Vanity Fair and there you are! Weird.

We had the delightful Lizzie D over to play again and whilst the two blonde beauties were playing in Hadley’s room, there was an incident and now Princess, the fish, is dead. To my utter shock and horror, Hadley starts yelling at Lizzie “LIZZIE! You killed my fish! Why did you kill my fish??” She then proceeds to say to Lisa (Lizzie’s mom), “Lisa, Lizzie killed my fish. Will you get me another one?”

I was more than embarrassed. Luckily, Lisa is a good friend and knows the ways of my precocious daughter but I was still mortified. I don’t think I spoke to an adult until I was 13. I sure as shit didn’t tell any adult what to do. I think I would just grunt and make eyes at my mom and mutter what I wanted to her so SHE could tell the adult what I wanted. Anyway, my point is, I wasn’t precocious so I have a hard time dealing with Hadley’s precociousness. I want her to be respectful above all and not perceived as a brat because she is not one. Sigh…

Anyway, this evening I told her she could bury Princess in the garden. I go to get the fish net and look for a proper container/casket for the thing when Hadley appears with water dripping from her hand.

“I got it, Mom. Let’s go.” She says standing by the back door holding the dead fish in her little hand.

She just ran into her room, stuck her hand in the bowl, and grabbed the fish. I thought that was so odd but in the best possible way. I love her enthusiasm. It’s refreshing. She’s got moxie.

We went down to her little garden and I dug a hole. Hadley dropped in Princess and covered her up. I told her that when you bury someone you should talk about what they meant to you or say something nice.

“She was a good fish.” She said thoughtfully. And then with her next breath she said excitedly“C’mon mom, help me dig her back up again. I want to see what she looks like now!”

No, we will not be exhuming the fish remains after he is buried.

During the whole fish burial Finn was next to us, climbing the grape arbor picking grapes, eating them and singing about them. It was an interesting scene and will be a funny memory.

I’m growing his hair out now just for sport and it is painfully cute.Many would say “unkempt” but I think it fits his personality. I’ll cut it when I bore of it but for now, it suits him.

Still feeling crappy. Achy and stiff and tired tired tired. It’s 9:17pm as I type and I have to get to bed. Yes, I am 33 in the body of a 89 year old. It’s Project Runway night though so of course I have to watch that first.

Wishing you a lovely Thursday people. For the longest time I had a deep hatred for the day Thursday because that was when I had piano lessons. Interesting the things you remember…or not so interesting…

How beautiful was this Vogue shoot of Kirstin Dunst as Marie Antoinette? Fascinating article too…I literally can’t wait for this flick.

Slather it with hummus

Emily Provost — Tue, 05 Sep 2006 13:11:00 GMT

Taylor worked today instead of tomorrow because she’s jetting off to San Francisco for the day tomorrow. Ah…the life of a young jet setter.

Still feeling beat up today and didn’t sleep well last night which makes everything a tad worse. Blech. Luckily, it’s quiet. Silence really is golden.

I would like to let everyone know that I will not be spending $1200 on a purse. No, I will not. I have regained my senses, thank you. What the hell I was thinking I don’t know. I can get a new laptop and a new digital camera for that. Plus, am I going to tote around that beautiful bag in my Crocs with my 1999 J Crew Jeans and long sleeved t-shirt? Um. No. AND…I wouldn’t want anyone to touch it or come near it or soil it. This won’t work as I have my own personal StainMaster team who like to sully any and all things. And if you saw my purse right now, you would agree. This morning alone I found 6 keebler elf cookies, half a piece of cheese (in a wrapper – stop gaging), a dirty rock wrapped up in paper and tape with MOMMY written on it, an obvious present from HJP, and a bunch of sand.

I am going to devour the rest of these mini carrots, hummus (Sabra hummus rules)and blueberries while I enjoy the US magazine T brought me today. She also showed up with Starbucks. Not only that but a non fat, no whip mocha. She knows what I like. Exactly. Have I expressed recently how much I adore her? Show up with Starbucks and coffee and then take my children away so I can lay on my bed and rest? Yes, please.

Hope you’re enjoying Ireland, SD! Have a pint for us!

The Freaking Chloe Bag

Emily Provost — Wed, 30 Aug 2006 20:25:00 GMT

The only thing I really have to say about the Emmys (snore) is that Farrah Fawcett looks crazy. I had to pause the TV and then get up really close to check her out. Something ain’t right. Plastic surgery gone wrong. Plus, she was all wiggly and squirmy and self conscious. While I was 5 inches from the screen, I also checked out Jaclyn Smith, who looks amazing. Kate Jackson looks pretty much the exact same but that’s not saying much because no one wanted to look like her when she was young anyway. I remember playing Charlie’s Angels when I was little and NO ONE wanted to be Sabrina.

I am in love with this Chloe bag but I just can’t fathom paying $1275 for a purse. I keep vacillating between “I love it! It’s classic! I want it!” and “It’s just a fucking purse. I can’t spend that much.” Hm. Much to think about. Oh and I want it in black. As you can imagine, at the first mention of it, Peter promptly had a heart attack.

Hadley and I started Stuart Little a few days ago and she’s loving it. We read a chapter or two each night and then talk about it. I’m elated my little 4 year old is devouring chapter books and delight myself imagining her little vocabulary expanding. She demonstrated the expansion tonight when she said “That freaking cat…always catching mice.”

Freaking?

Shit. This is my fault. Note to self: stop saying inappropriate things around children.

She also insisted on writing a note for Peter, who is out with the boys tonight. After I informed her that he will be home tomorrow and Friday on vacation days, this is what she wrote:

Peter,

CONGRATULATIONS

I miss you. love, Hadley

I had to tell her how to spell all of this, of course, and when I asked her why “congratulations” she said “Congratulations for getting to stay home from work.” I thought that was so funny. I didn’t address the need to call him Peter instead of “Daddy”. I will assume it was to be professional as she was printing very carefully, kept erasing everything (new pencils) and then standing back to admire her work.

I’m meeting with a trainer tomorrow to set up some sort of fitness regime. I don’t want to be Madame Muscles. I just need someplace to start and I want to chat with this trainer who has experience with chronic fatigue, fibro and lupus people. I want to be strong and healthy. That’s it. We’ll see. I went to work out today and it was delightful. I listened to the soundtrack from The Last Kiss, Zach Braff’s new movie (he did Garden State) and this soundtrack rules too. Zach Braff is like my secret emo boyfriend. We have been together since Scrubs started.

Project Runway time. My television calls….

You Can't Be Mean to Someone's Mom

Emily Provost — Thu, 24 Aug 2006 21:02:00 GMT

Yesterday Taylor was back after taking off last week. I went to a yoga class, came home took a long shower, made popcorn and then stuffed into a big bag to take with me to see Little Miss Sunshine. This movie was fantastic. Fantastic. I knew it would be good and it did not disappoint. Casting was perfection. Every performance was superb and Steve Carroll is phenomenal. I hereby officially announce my crush on him. You must see this movie.

Needless to say, it was a glorious day. That evening I went on a hike with some friends and we capped off the evening by drinking a beer in the parking lot. Good times.

I watched Lizzie D today for Lisa and she, as usual, was charming and delightful. She’ll be 3 on Monday and is bright and sweet and fun to be around. I adore her. We walked to the park for lunch and picked blackberries on the way. Me pushing the double stroller and Hadley and Lizzie taking turns riding in the stroller or walking. I was thinking “so this is what it would be like with three kids?”

There’s no way. Even with Lizzie, who is an angel, there’s no way I could handle three.It’s hard enough for me to watch two. Luckily today at the playground, Lizzie doesn’t feel the need to haul ass a mile away from me every 5 minutes like H&F do. We were sitting at a picnic table eating lunch, when all of the sudden Hadley and Finn hightail it to a nearby grassy hill. I look over and see two boys (7th gradeish) sledding down the hill on cardboard. Hadley walks right up to one of them and tells them she wants to do it too. One of the boys sits her down on the cardboard and away she goes. Of course Finn is jumping up and down SCREAMING that he wants to go too. These darling boys were so careful and sweet with Finn. They plopped him in front of Hadley on the cardboard sled and away they went. Half way down the hill, they toppled over but managed to get back up and tromp back to me. Finn had a grass skidmark up the side of his face and in his hair but a HUGE grin on his face.

This entire time I’m standing quite aways back with Lizzie D standing to my left daintily eating goldfish out of the palm of her hand. She has been silent the entire time we are watching. I crouch down next to her and say “You want to do it, Liz?” She looks me right in the eye, smiles and says “Nope.” Ah..a girl after my own heart. Let’s just stay here and eat goldfish.

Let’s discuss Jeffrey being an asshole to Angela’s mother on Project Runway. You don’t mess with people’s moms. If my mom were on that show and someone was being rude to her I would have ripped that kid a new asshole. Angela’s mom was CRYING and she was like “well, he’s like that, Mom.” I would have gone to the producers and freaked out.

The lesbian drama on the season finale of Work Out was fantastic. That show is so over the top. I love it. I want one of those LIFT shirts and I also desperately want a trainer like Jackie to yell at me and make me work out until I have a six pack. But I’d want to have all of these stipulations like “If I’m tired, you can’t yell at me and make me work out and If there is a copy of US Weekly you have to wait 1 hour until I can lay down and read the whole thing cover to cover without anyone speaking to me and If I’m stressed or tired, then I don’t want to work out.” I’m sure that would go over really well.

Still feeling good. It’s day two of Arava and I don’t know why I thought that the minute the medication touched my lips I would feel like shit. Probably because when I injected Methotrexate that is what happened. Anyway, because I felt good I was nervous about screwing with that. BUT…I continue to feel good, which is all that matters. Except for the horrific adult onset acne that is plaguing my face right now and the downright awful awful need for highlights I am content….

CCC and the CIA

Emily Provost — Tue, 22 Aug 2006 12:45:00 GMT

After graduation from the University of Kansas (Rock Chalk Jayhawk!), I wandered into the Colorado Institute of Art and before I knew it, I had signed up for a 2 year program in Multimedia/Graphic Design. I just remember being like “Wow! That loan stuff sure was easy! Um…$22,000 later…)

I digress…

So, at the time, the program was filled with lots of boys. On my first day of class, I remember standing at the door trying to figure out where I was going to sit. The majority of my classmates looked a tad greasy and like they might sit alone in their underwear watching Star Trek reruns and eating pork rinds. Then my eyes fixed on a darling young thing and I immediately plopped down next to him. He smelled like fresh soap and cinnamon and was hilarious. HIlarious. We instantly bonded and I have loved him ever since. There was a kid named Brian Adams in our program and Chad and I just used to call him “Cuts Like a Knife”. To his face. It STILL makes me laugh.

Anyway, I got an email from him this morning and it made my heart soar. You made my day, CCC. There is no one like you. XOXO

Did anyone catch the episode of Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia where there was mention of the Juvenile Lupus Association last week? Hard to explain but it proves my point that Lupus is used on TV when they need an ailment but something just enigmatic enough where people know it’s sort of bad but they don’t know what it is.I still watch that show in all of its bizarreness. Sometimes I find it hilarious. Sometimes I don’t laugh at all. But on this episode, I saw the Lupus banner in the episode and I said “HEY!!” and was all excited like I saw someone I knew on TV or something.