What the?

Distractions

Emily Provost — Mon, 15 Jan 2007 13:57:00 GMT

Lately I really love these shows: Brothers and Sisters, Dirt, and Dance Life on Mtv. SNL was delicious this week as well with Jake Gyllenhaal and his fearless monologue and also the always enjoyable Shins.

I finished The Namesake and loved every last second of it. (Here's a blog about production that is interesting) Then I gobbled up Confessions of a Video Vixen on Sunday. It was awful. Awfully good that is. In a most salacious, scandalous way. Just look at the cover. I was embarrassed checking the thing out at the library. Last night I started Eat,Pray,Love, which is proving to be fantastic. I went to bed far too late because I was totally engrossed. This is the perfect read for me right now. She's a wonderful writer, has a calming voice but is really funny and real. She also seems to zero in on the things that are important in life.

Things are sort of up in the air with me at the moment physically, mentally, emotionally. Life is chaotic. I just try to remember and breathe. Day by day. Distraction is also key for me. I've been really good at that.

Here's something weird: I found a therapist through our insurance that was close to our house and she told me straight away that she didn't have a lot of room on her schedule for new patients but she would see me once and then refer me to someone else. I agreed, desperate to verbally vomit out everything that has been going on with me. We talked. She was lovely and wise. At the end of the appointment she said calmly "you know, I am going to try to find some time in my schedule because I think we'd be a really good fit. My specialty is working with people with chronic illness and...I don't know if I should be telling you this but...I have lupus."

I was gobsmacked. What are the odds?? Relief poured over me. She gets it. Immediately.

I have been missing yoga like you would not believe. Because of the friggin herniated disc, the doc doesn't want me going even after my soulful plea to let me still go. It's so therapuetic for me that when I don't go I am left sort of depleted and empty. So...more physical therapy and when she clears me I'm heading straight to a class.

Shout out to RMP - "A lament in one ear, maybe - but always a song in the other." Isle of View.

Just like the Olden Days

Emily Provost — Sun, 17 Dec 2006 10:30:00 GMT

We have been without power since Thursday evening. To sum it up, it blows. A huge wind storm knocked out tons of stuff. We did pretty well (camping stove for cooking, candles, flashlights, firewood, propane for a fancy indoor heater) until today. Right now we're at Peter's office holed up in a conference room. I immediately got a cup of coffee (starbucks machine) and jumped on Peter's laptop to peruse Perez Hilton. I do have priorities after all. The kids are running around Peter's office. I am over it. Peter and Hadley have strep. Finn is getting it and my back is still acting up. Dear Vicodin, Thank you for weathering the storm with me. You're a good friend. Love, Emily

Oddly, the timing of this (Christmas) is sort of appropriate. We have each other and in our everyday lives we are very fortunate. More so than most. We have just been sitting in front of the fire to stay warm, reading, playing, singing. It's just like the Olden Days. I keep feeling like I'm forgetting something and then I remember it's not that I'm forgetting anything, it's that there is no distraction for me to retreat to. We have been being a family. Nothing to do but be with each other. Sounds very Tiny Tim I know but true. Peter and I played Scrabble by candlelight last night. Before you puke from us being so wholesome I will tell you now that we went to Target and bought a portable DVD player, plugged it into the car and drove around for a while so the blue eyed devils could get their fix. That's how we roll.

I don't know what we'll do tonight. Hotels all over are booked. There are lines for gas and McDonalds. Peter went out this morning to get gas at 6am and on his way home with Starbucks and McDonalds he hit a patch of black ice and crashed into a guard rail.

Sigh...

Ok, we're done now. No more lessons needed to "make us stronger".

More later. Must check to see what my children are destroying.

Oh and I would personally like to pat myself on the back for buying 100 tea light candles 6 months ago even though when I was buying them I thought "Well, this is a bit much but it's $4.99. What a deal!" We burned through every one.

Goodnight John Boy.

The Last Two Months in Review

Emily Provost — Mon, 21 Aug 2006 20:38:00 GMT

So Peter found a mini USB cable for me to download pictures…

This is unstoppably cute. Look at her hand on his. Sigh…The frog and the bear.

The dynamic duo on the 4th of July…

Finn’s 2nd birthday on July 8…while opening presents he just kept saying WHOA! COOL!

This is when Hadley and I got married in the backyard. It was a beautiful wedding in late July. The whole affair was extremely elegant and Hadley composed an original song for the event which she was singing when I took this picture.

Finn really loves sister’s Wizard of Oz Dorothy shoes that Taylor bought her. Everybody has a little Dorothy in them.

I’m laughing as I look at this picture A) because she clearly did not want her picture taken but I thought she looked so cute with those little buns I just had to take it and B) Most of the pictures I have are of them smacked against the green wall in the living room. (this wall) I just push them up against it ans say “stand right there!!”

Peter and I went to a Murder Mystery Party a few weeks ago. I was some sultry singer and Peter was some gambling golfer. It took place in the 40s. I’m wearing this insane feather hat thing. It was a good time. I remember feeling like shit that night but muscling my way through it. Dress up in a costume and pretend to be someone else? Me? Oh all right…

Here’s me with some of the ladies. I think I was trying to look haughty but instead I look a little learning disabled…

So that’s it for my pictures lately. I’m salivating over the thought of getting this camera. It’s fab. E has it in black and it’s a fancy little number. I pet it last time we saw each other.

Weeds is on tonight. Must run and soak in the fabulousness.

Like Fatal Attraction but different

Emily Provost — Thu, 17 Aug 2006 12:08:00 GMT

It’s a weird day today. The kids are off, the weather is cold and darkish and we’re all just…meh. I keep sneaking away from the kids to have pockets of silence.

Last night at about 10 I took a sleeping pill and started to zonk out when I heard a cry. A weird animal cry really really close to my bed. I immediately shot out of bed. I was woozy and dizzy as you’re normally not supposed to take a sleeping pill and then jump about 30 minutes later.

I turned on the light and see Stan crouched over something near my dresser and hear the crying. I shoo him away from whatever it is and he is purring like a mad man and eyes all aglow, so proud of himself. I look down and it’s a beautiful brownish/grayish baby bunny. I gasped and ran to get a towel. I picked it up with the towel and turned it over to examine it. He was bleeding and had basically two holes in him. He was gasping for air. I saw his little mouth opening and closing, gasping for air. And then he stopped breathing and died. I bawled. I’m crying right now. It was just too much. A rat or a mouse is one thing but a tiny precious baby bunny was just too much for me. And to see it suffer and die was awful. PLUS, I wasn’t really even coherent because I had taken a sleeping pill so all of this seems like a weird dream this morning. In the middle of all of this, I called Peter and he was already on his way home. He came in and took the dead bunny away. Don’t know what he did with it. I put my sleeping mask on and fell back into bed. My mask was sticking to my face from the tears. It still seems like a dream but I’m still really traumatized by the whole thing. Then this morning I was taking the recycling out through the garage and found a dead mole. I’m so sick of dead fucking animals.

Also, as the whole world knows, they arrested JonBenet’s alleged killer. It made me think of Patsy and what a raw deal she got. Can you imagine? You daughter is killed and then for ten years people think you did it but you die tragically of Ovarian Cancer before being vindicated. Awful.

Blech. I have to snap out of this funk.

I’m bummed Alison got booted from Project Runway. Not that any of her designs really spoke to me or anything I just love her. I love her look and the way she speaks. There is something Drew Barrymore-ish about her.

Pig Parts

Emily Provost — Tue, 11 Jul 2006 13:59:00 GMT

Peter and I watched Shopgirl over the weekend and while I enjoyed it because it had the same quiet awkwardness as Martin’s novella, I could have done without Martin’s voice over. I found it distracting and clunky. Claire Danes was really good though. As was Jason Schwartzman.

Hadley drew a pig yesterday and then called me over to see it. She talked me through her picture and said “See Mom, here’s the pig and then here are some pig bones from a pig that died and then over here on this plate are the pig parts that you can eat like hot dogs and bacon. Aside from the fact that I have yet to tell her they actually slaughter the animal so you can eat it and that it doesn’t die of old age, I was impressed with her little sciencey drawing.

Read an article in Vanity Fair this morning about Diane Arbus and now I’m desperate for this book. I love biographies. Especially ones about extremely interesting characters. I’ve also decided I’m going to abandon the two book clubs that I have been promising to attend. As much as I want to be a book clubber, it’s just one more obligatory thing where I have to read something that someone else picked out, that I might hate. Plus, there are 4 or 5 other books out there vying for my attention but I feel like I HAVE to read the book club one first and then as a reward I can read the one I really want to read. It’s smacks of English class (feeling the pressure of a looming due date) and I’m a grown ass lady now and can pick my own book, thank you very much.

Speaking of being a grown ass lady, I went bowling with some friends last night and I suspected it would rule, and it did. I won both games and this morning my butt and arms hurt, which is so funny considering bowling really takes no effort but I suppose it does. At least that’s what my muscles tell me. So while we’re there, we of course have to drink cheap beer out of pitchers. No beer in pitchers to be had. Just Mike’s Hard Cranberry for $4.75 each. (WHA!?) I had two and shouldn’t have had any, especially on a semi-empty stomach. We then stopped into this swanky little joint I like to call “the crappy hotel bar at Embassy Suites” for a glass of crappy wine. This was clearly one of those times where I wanted the evening to go on a little longer but I should have just called it a night after bowling. So on the way home, while feeling footloose and fancy free, I suggest to my friend we smoke a cigarette, like the old days! Woo!

Um, yeah. Cut to me coming in the door after my friend dropped me off, dropping my purse in the foyer, and walking right to the downstairs bathroom where I proceeded to puke my guts out like a 17 year old at a Jimmy Buffet concert. No pretty. At all. Isn’t that embarrassing? The lesson learned as I approach 33 is that I’m 33, not 23. Get a hold of yourself woman.

I Have No Words

Emily Provost — Thu, 08 Jun 2006 22:02:00 GMT

Just read this. You have GOT to be kidding me. People are freaks. Which is another reason I turned off my comments.

Matlock

Emily Provost — Thu, 28 Jul 2005 20:29:00 GMT

After some detective work I found out that one of the most common factors of premorial dermatitis is prolonged use of topical steroid creams and inhaled prescription steroid sprays used in the nose and the mouth. Ah hah! Since late April I had been using Flonase because I developed allergies. Shoving that thing up my nose to relieve itchy eyes and nose had led to what basically looked like bong zits. Ew.

I ended up not going to Votivo yesterday because traffic was shite and it would have only gotten worse had I gone downtown. I’m still dying to know what the store is like.

Here’s something I hope Hadley stops saying soon: “I’m good at taking off my clothes.” Things like that are so innocent but they make my mind wander. Like the other day in the car she said “Truckdrivers are good to tell secrets to.”

Um, what?

“Why is that sweetheart?” I said calmly gripping the wheel.

“Because they like to hug small children.”

The sound you hear is me throwing up my own heart. But then I remember she’s very imaginative and where would she have met a truck driver??

Oh, also in my detective streak, I figured out what they were saying in Korean at the nail shop. One woman looked at the other as she was fixing my smudged toe and said “I’m going to put the wrong color red on her big toe. That’ll show her.” Yes, my right toe has a totally different shade of red on it that I only noticed because I was examining my feet outside today. ha ha. Good one. I’m sure she’s still laughing about it.

Hooking Up is on tonight and I beyond excited. I am making myself pack first before I enjoy the deliciousness. I leave tomorrow for KC to enjoy my ladies. Karrie is picking me up at the airport with baby Reece and then we are going back to her house for a BBQ with everyone. I sort of guilty Peter will be left alone with the children all weekend— Oh wait—it’s gone. Nevermind.

I Really Hate Tom Cruise. Really.

Emily Provost — Wed, 29 Jun 2005 09:52:00 GMT

I was enjoying wedding festivites in Yankton on Friday so I missed Tom Cruise embarrassing himself yet again on the Today show with Matt Lauer but I read some of the transcript here and honestly it was difficult to keep my coffee and toast down. He has lost it. No, I imagine he never had it but the representation he had before KNEW he was freaking cuckoo so they wisely advised him to keep mum and just smile, even during the "braces" period. Now, his sister is representing him and obviously she has released the hold and has instructed him to open his mouth and spew crazy all over the world. Oh, and while you're at it, get a girlfriend who is almost as creepy as you to spew crazy too. Yes, that's perfect. Great.

Seeing Tom Cruise and Katie together reminds me of Elizabeth Smart. She was brainwashed too and when they went in public she was too scared to say anything. Notice how they NEVER let go of each other? I'm sure he has such a grasp on her that if he let go she would run the other way. And all of the sudden he has renamed her "Kate?" My sister pointed out that members of cults are always renamed. Uh huh...put together the pieces, people. And I bet if TomKat breed they will name their offspring Marshall Applewhite. You watch.

The Neighbors

Emily Provost — Mon, 23 May 2005 15:27:00 GMT

Let me just say that I’ve spent all of 14 minutes total with these people since we moved in and they seem like really nice people, especially the husband. They brought over homemade frosted cookies when we moved in and are nothing but nice. But it’s that weird nice where they feel they have to be nice or else the wrath of the Lord will come down upon them.We’ve decided they are Mormon, based solely on the fact that my mom saw what she says was “a years worth of food” in their garage. They also have a gaggle of kids (5) all with biblical names. So, they’re either Mormon or Catholic. Anyway, I have issues:

1. I swear he mows their lawn every day, sometimes more than once a day. I don’t know why it bothers me, but it does. Maybe because we mow our lawn once a month. Oh, and he has a riding mower, which both my husband and I covet. Lately I have a theory that he mows so often, because it’s nice out, the riding mower is fun to drive and it’s something to keep him busy so he doesn’t get his wife pregnant again.

2. Their oldest child is 10 years old, yet on the weekends they have 17 year old boys hooting and hollering and jumping on their trampoline until 10 at night. Who knows who they are.

3. The wife seems docile and obedient so I was so surprised by what transpired this morning. I was getting the kids into the car and left the garage door open. Atticus somehow shimmied through the cat door that leads to the garage and got out. He galloped past me and took off up the street for the neighbors. (Note: There is a fair bit of land between our houses and to actually get to their front door you have to walk up the street and go down a driveway) I get in the car to drive after him and sure enough he had galloped up to them while they were in the front yard. I drive up and open my door to her screaming at me. SCREAMING. “WHAT THE HELL? IS THAT YOUR DOG!?!?! HE SCARED MY KIDS!!!” I can’t remember the last time someone SCREAMED at me. Later on, I had the feeling I got when I was like 9 and someone yelled at me. I wanted to cry and felt shame and vulnerable. I felt that way for a nanosecond then I snapped out of it and thought “Fuck her and her horrible haircut.” Meanwhile, Atticus is a big, dumb happy lab. Not Cujo. I understand that some people are scared of dogs and he could be scary to those not in the know, especially when he bounds out of nowhere. I just would have handled it differently. I also don’t feel the need to breed for the sport of it, but that’s just me.

4. The last and final thing that irritates me is when their posse of children tromp around the periphery of our yard they come to the fence and stare at Hadley. She stands on the other side of the fence and stares back. I went to the fence one day and bent down next to her. “Can you say hi to the kids, sweetie?”

“I did, Mama, they don’t say hi back.” She was right. I said “HI” and they were mute. From then on I would smile at them but didn’t try to engage them in conversation. They just continue to stand at the fence and watch us like we were gorillas in the zoo. And they leave their fruit snack wrappers on the ground. Irk. Irk. Irk.

The Bachelor and American Idol Recap

Emily Provost — Wed, 20 Apr 2005 09:41:00 GMT

Meg, Claire and I are going crazy about the Bachelor. Here are my (our) gripes:

First and foremost, Charlie is dumb. Aw. Poor dumb Charlie. I nearly fell out of my chair when he was talking to “little Sarah” (grown women should not be referred to as “big” and “little”…so bad…) and he said “My brother was in a movie called Stand By Me in Oregon. I went to Rodeo Camp there.” Uh, hey Charlie? Those two sentences have NOTHING to do with one another and just end up embarrassing you.
Couldn’t you find some adults to fence with? What is Charlie, the 30 year old doing hanging out with his 12 year old girl next door neighbor. Red Flag.
The date with Anitra was priceless. She would say “I like to eat” and he would respond “Really? I always forget.” “I like to read.” “Really, I don’t.” “I love email.” “See, I can’t type” She handled herself really well and left with her dignity.
Sarah W (sigh…allright allright… “Big Sarah”) said “Class-trophobic” two times.
Sarah W is slowly becoming a psycho. What was she doing at the rose ceremony? she freaked out when she got a rose and completely embarrassed herself. I don’t know if it’s clever editing or perhaps she is going crazy before our eyes and the series is going to end with her in a straight jacket being hauled off to the looney bin.
Krissily is the worst name ever. It sounds like an adjective used to describe wrapping paper or wedding cakes or something.
I think Sarah B should win because she seems like a really nice girl. However I just read her bio and she wrote this about her greatest achievement to date: I have developed my independence, I'm self-sufficient, and I've found my relationship with Christ. Hm. It makes me suspect when people toss around the word “Christ” especially since when Charlie asked her if she goes to church she was like “Well, no, not every week”. Don’t lie, little one. Especially if you’re all buddy buddy with J.C.

I continue to be bored with American Idol but will not turn away for fear that something will happen and I won’t know about it. God forbid.

Dear Ryan Seacrest, Stop calling Scott Savol, Scotty “The Body” Savol. It’s weird and creepy. However, this week I think they sat him down and told him he was white because his look changed.
Constantine bugs. He tries too hard.
I heart Bo Bice. I think he’s darling.
Vonzell is darling too. She did well last night.
While Carrie has a phenomenal voice she seems stiff.
Anthony Federov bugs me but if I was 11 years old I would think he was AWESOME! WOOOO! Andover Junior High LOVES ANTHONY!!! WOOOO! So I understand his commercial appeal.
Anwar bores me. Boring boring. I fantasize about jumping on his back and cutting off those braids. C’mon Anwar. Lenny did it!

Yesterday was my darling Labrador Atticus’ fifth birthday. Happy Birthday my chocolate brownie fatty boombalatti!

I was emailing with my friend Karrie this morning and she told me something that is so damn funny. Karrie and her husband Taiji walking into the butcher shop. As they were walking in, a midget and a fat adult get on a john deere riding lawn mower that’s parked in a parking spot to leave. The midget stops, points at Taiji and says, “Look Dad, a Chinese man.”(like Taiji is this freak of nature that he’s never seen before). This, coming from a midget that rode to the butcher shop on a riding lawn mower with a fat guy.

HA. People are crazy.