I am supposed to be getting on a flight to L.A. right now to fete my darling CTM before the arrival of her baby girl.

That bitch Lupus had other plans and decided to come over, uninvited, per usual.

I had to cancel my trip.

I think it says something that I am becoming so used to being disappointed. It is still extremely difficult to disappoint others though. Even after 4 years of Lupus, telling someone you can't come to something because you have this stupid disease that no one really understands, hasn't gotten easier. Even though it is Claire, who is more like a sister, it doesn't get easier.

After calling her last night to tell her, I sat on my bed crumpled over with fatigue and sadness.

"Will she still love me? Does she know I still love her? Does she think I'm lying? Could I have just sucked it up and gone? Why did this have to happen now?"

Irrational thinking perhaps, but it happens. Of course she still loves me. I know she does. It just sucks.

I have learned there is no use in wallowing with this disease though. Acknowledge, and move on. And keep a positive outlook.

I am in bed now and will continue to lay until I have to pick up the boy at noon thirty.

:::::::::::::::::::Deep breath::::::::::::::::::

Here's some good news! We found a house! Details to come because it's not for sure, yet. But the move from Seattle is on for the second week in October. I will miss living with my mama. This has become home.

Shoutout to my sis-in-law, Michelle, who just found out she is having a lovely little sister for my handsome nephew Julien. (SQUEAL!!!)