For more than 18 months, I could not blog about wanting to move back to Denver or the fact that we were even considering it. Anyone who works with Peter or is married to someone who works with Peter could potentially read this and then things could potentially get really hairy for Peter at work.

It was very cloak and dagger and I'm so not good at that. Especially this last year when I just wanted to bare my soul and not be censored it was very hard to be secretive and vague.

Well, no more. I can finally talk (blog) openly about wanting to move home and the fact that we ARE moving back to Denver. SOON.

When my sis got pregnant, my feelings started to change about being here. I ached to be near her and her baby. I missed my parents desperately. I missed my brother and his brood. I missed being with the circus, as I so lovingly call them. When they'd get together, we would talk and I would be jealous we weren't there. I tried to put my feelings aside and continue to push forward here. The feelings stayed though, causing depression and anxiety and a hollow feeling in my heart.

We went to Denver for Thanksgiving 2007. It really solidified it for me. I missed this circus so much that being with them made my heart felt full and was practically beating out of my chest with pride and love.

The following month (Dec 2007) my Dad told me he had cancer. They had known before Thanksgiving but didn't want to tell us then for fear of ruining the holiday.

I was devastated and sobbed to Peter "I want to go home."

I remember having long conversations with my Dad about wanting to come home and about Peter's progress in looking for a job. He was supportive and proud of Peter but knew what it was like in the professional world and also knew to choose words carefully when talking to me.

He died 2 months later on February 16, 2007.

I am at peace knowing that he knew I loved him so much and also that he knew I was coming home to rejoin the circus, where I belong.

Since then, Peter has worked tirelessly to get our family back to Denver. And now it's happening. I am in awe of his love and dedication to our family.  He will stay with the same company and is thrilled about his new position. I know the sacrifice he is making and I am so grateful that I married such a stellar human being. He really is. I've often said my life in color began when I married Peter Provost.

It's so weird to finally be able to blog about this. It's all I've wanted to do for months and months and months and couldn't. I felt mentally constipated. This forum has been such a release for me: personal, slightly embarrassing yet all true.

More to come. I just had to break the seal, so to speak.