Anxiety has been plaguing me lately. I hate it. It makes me irritable, agitated, impatient, fidgety and frankly, annoying. I can't sit still. Always buzzing around doing something or thinking about doing something.

There have been so many things on my mind, which, I know have been adding to the stress and anxiety.

This does not jive with the way I have been feeling physically. The last thing you want to do when you're fidgety is lie down and rest. Perhaps a switch in meds is necessary. The ALWAYS annoying switch in meds.  I'm sick of being a pill popper.

Blargh.

Sometimes I have to snap myself out of my pity party and think about my friend S's daughter Lily. She is 4 and has Cystic Fibrosis. Last time I saw her there was much celebration because now she can swallow a pill by herself, one of the many pills she has to take each day.

That'll put things into perspective.

I just accidentally burned a plastic cookbook to the top of the stove. Then, when trying to get the window open to get the stink out of the house, I knocked a mirror off the wall and broke the frame. (Have I mentioned I'm a total klutz?)

Then the smoke alarm went off.

I cried.

And then ate some really good tomato bisque.

The entire time that was going on, Finn had been figuring out that he can get his penis out of the little hole in the front of his underwear. He was absolutely delighted.

He was also delighted during his tea party with sister last week.

He is Alice in Wonderland (with one of sister's crocs on) and HJ is Belle.

As we left to walk to school this morning, we saw this lovely lady.

Isn't she beautiful? If you look closely you can see her laying out the web. So cool.

We had to duck under her fantastic handiwork because she was right in the way. No way we were ruining it. On the way to school, Hadley reminded me to duck under again when I was going home so I wouldn't ruin it.

When Finn and I got back to the house, we watched her for a while.

It was sort of a spidery weekend. On Sunday morning, there was a big orb spider in our kitchen window. We watched her catch a moth, wrap her up quickly and then suck the blood out. Hadley narrated the whole thing as if it was the most fantastic thing ever. I love that about her.

I miss my Dad tremendously. More than I can even express. He is always top of mind. I am so aware now in all that I do, how much he has influenced my life and made me who I am. The way I think about situations. The way I treat people. My excitement for life and experience. My sense of humor. I miss you all the time, Dad.

I'm going to Denver alone on Thursday to be with my family and mom for my parent's 40th wedding anniversary. I get excited and then quickly I remember why I'm going and that he won't be there. I will also be seeing the gravestone for the first time. It's just all too real.