I'm in pain. Hobbling around pain where I find I'm sort of always wincing. God Damn Lupus. Most joints are angry and throbbing. And just bone tired. The walking dead tired. I went to bed the other night at 8pm and woke up at 6:30am with Finn and it was like I never went to bed at all.

To add to that, I have been continually exasperated with Finn. I wonder if he's normal. If all boys his age move at the speed of light. I wonder if I'm just a crappy parent. I wonder if other mothers sigh and shake their heads and feel sorry for me as I run off once again after a beautiful blue eyed boy who won't listen to me. I wonder if he will always be FULL THROTTLE. I wonder if I'll always have the exasperated face on when dealing with him. Lots of wondering. I have deduced though that the more scheduled I keep him, the better he does. He also seems to have a thing for drums...Hadley set this up for him:

I have to give myself a break. I know this. My mantra lately with everything has been: Be Kind. (mainly to me but others too) Be Patient. Be Positive. Be Present. I'm calling it the Bee mantra. It's amazing how it relates to everything lately.

I have also been stressed about the usual life things in addition to a few more that aren't really bloggable. I told my sis that I think I'm just existing at a heightened state of anxiety all of the time now. I want to coast a little. Is there ever a time in life where you can coast a little? I seem to remember a time but it was a really long time ago.

We scurried off this morning to meet friends at a local farm to pick raspberries. I tried to be all of the "Be's" and soak it all in. There's something so cool about picking your own fruit. The sensation of just slightly tugging at the berry and having it fall into your hand all red and juicy is very cool. Finn stayed close by me (shocker) and ate more than he left in his basket. Hadley enjoyed it as well and hung with her pal Olivia as they picked and picked. We also bought some organic honey from the farm, which I let the kids taste by drizzling some on a raspberry. Heaven.

Hadley has been dreamy lately. She hasn't been feeling well (nasty cough) but is trying to be helpful and sweet. Poor dear probably recognizes that I'm frazzled with Bubba and need a sweet respite. She has definitely been it. I feel I spend so much time containing Finn or trying to corral him that she gets neglected. I suppose this the fear of most with two.

After the farm this morning, Finn was wiped and is now napping on the couch. The girl has caught two millipedes, two worms and two roly polys and is organizing an "insect show". As I type she's setting up benches and seating for everyone to sit and making tickets for entry. So cute. Forever my bug girl...

We went to the Redmond Farmer's Market over the weekend and had a blissfully mellow family afternoon.(why are you so addicting kettle corn??) I bought this bunch of flowers for $7. Insanely cheap.

Shoutouts to new babies (CAC!), newly engaged (EJA!), people having work done today (AR) and gal pals with frequent work trips to Seattle (EKD!)

My mom is coming for my birthday and every time I think about it a smile creeps its way across my face until it's a full blown grin. I can't think of a better present. I love her so.