All four of the kids spoke at my Dad's funeral. Nothing could have stopped us from doing it. Before even talking about it, we each knew that all four of us would want to speak. There was no way we would not stand up and honor our Father. My memories from the wake, funeral and reception are hazy. I wonder aloud if I saw certain people when an image of them pops in my head. But I remember us speaking. There was a sea of people but I only saw my mom. I focused on her. 

Here is the eulogy:

Andrew

I am Andrew, Roger and Ellen's oldest child. Because I was the first Dad called me the Pathfinder and now I find myself on a very difficult path. I can rely on the three things that Dad held most valuable in his life: faith, family and friends. I will be strong and stay true to the path because that is what Dad would expect. Dad passed down to each of his children special gifts and traits that we will carry with us all of our lives. Mine were good looks and intelligence and dad’s humble nature. I think the rest of them got household appliances.

Before Meghan was born my parents discovered that our initials spelled out AMEN - Andrew, Meghan, Emily, Neil. The word AMEN is found in Judaism, Islamic and Christian religions and means "So be it." Dad led his life with this credo. What God set forth, Dad said “So be it”. Now we have to carry on that legacy. Each of Roger’s children wanted to speak today so we chose the order of AMEN.

I want to read part of an e-mail that Dad wrote to us about a month ago, just before he went in for surgery to remove cancer from his chest. I’ll paraphrase some of it, however it starts out:

Dear AMEN,
“We are often reminded of what is written in the “Old Testament” - "to every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die; a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance...". Sometimes I forget this simple theme in our lives and yet it is ever present.
Again I’m reminded how vulnerable all of us are by things like this. Still I believe that it has something to do with God’s plan.
My arrogance tells me to rail against the night and the threat of death. I also know we are descendants of Celts who had little fear of death. I was taught and believe to do all I can for myself but to trust in God when my back is against the wall and it is getting dark. To trust in our ancient, simple faith, in my family and in my friends. I was also taught and believe in the celebration of life and know that death is just part of our journey - a passage from here to somewhere better. And so we will continue our journey.
Remember what the Irish playwright Sean O’Casey said - "I have found life an enjoyable, enchanting and some times terrifying experience, and I have enjoyed it completely. A lament in one ear, maybe - but always a song in the other."

Dad, we’ll keep your song in our ear.

Meghan

My name is Meghan and I am the youngest in our family. The letter Andrew just read to you wasn’t the first one of its kind. Dad was quite prolific and was always writing deep and powerful notes to all of us frequently. He wrote inspiring and thoughtful cards and e-mails which always ended in how much he loved us, how proud he was, and how fulfilled he was. He was always seizing moments to express his deep love for us, for mom, and for his life. If a moment didn’t exist, he created one. Every phone call in my family ends with an, “I love you.” Nothing is left unsaid in our family. Dad made sure to live every day as if it could be his last. A day didn’t go by without him recognizing and paying homage to his faith, his family, and his friends; he called them the three f’s. How proud he would be to see all of gathered today – his family and his friends – in this church. What a gift.

I have a story to share with you that exemplifies the man my father is. Last year I called him one night after a long and exhausting day at work. I work in a Title 1 elementary school in which most of my students are English language learners who qualify for free and reduced lunch. I called because I was overwhelmed with my work load and frustrated at the lack of resources. Without missing a beat, my dad asked what time he should be at my classroom the next day to help out. When he arrived he was wearing a sport coat and dress pants. I told him that he could have come dressed much more casually. He told me that he wore what he wore intentionally. I still remember the way he paused and said, “These kids deserve it.” Dad was a class act. He was there in my classroom as a professional. He was there as a peer and a friend. He was there as a volunteer but most importantly he was there as my dad. Rumor spread like wild fire after this handsome, well dressed, white haired man appeared in my room. They thought he was the president of the United States. I can’t even explain how much my stock went up that day.

I went home that day feeling so fulfilled, so happy, so safe and so content. That’s how I have always felt and always will feel being a Padden

Emily

I am Emily, Roger and Ellen’s 3rd child and first daughter. And as my dad told me secretly on several occasions “the favorite child”. The story that Meg told I know the majority of you hadn’t heard before. There are so many more just like it. He was a lovely, brilliant man. He was magical to me and always full of light.

This book represents just a small part of who he was and it happens to be one of my favorite parts. It’s not a journal but rather more of a collection of quotes, poems and thoughts. He occasionally even let us write in it. He called it “Seasons of Myself”.
Looking through it I found a few things that gave me comfort in these last days. In fact, I could hear my Dad actually saying them to me.

"In spite of illness, in spite even of the arch enemy sorrow, one can remain alive long past the usual date of disintegration if one is unafraid of change, insatiable in intellectual curiosity, interested in big things and happy in small ways."  Edith Wharton

Be glad of Life! Because it gives you the chance to love and work. To play and to look up at the stars. –Henry Van Dyke

My dad had a beautiful, creative way of expressing his love and affection. If he was leaving somewhere, or anytime really, he would kiss and hug us and then open our hands, kiss our palms and close our hands again. He called them “extra kisses”. A few weeks ago, I got a package from my Dad. It was a lot of papers and documents of mine that he said he had saved and was going to send me. When we were talking he knew I was kind of down. Later, when I received the package there were the expected papers and documents of mine that he had kept far too long but there was also a small envelope with a label on it that said: EXTRA KISSES – Open in case of emergency. It took my breath away and like a child, I opened the envelope immediately and let the kisses out.

I’d like to leave you with one more thing from my Dad’s book. This is from Dick Buck.
“How lucky we are to have known someone that saying goodbye to was so damned awful.”

Neil

I am sure many of you know the fundamental rule of public speaking: Do not follow Roger Padden! I am confident that that rule can now be amended to: Do not follow any Padden! FDR once said of public speaking: Be Sincere, Be Brief and Be Seated. I will try to do just that this morning.

My name is Neil; and I feel so very blessed. That may sound odd to say in that on Friday I lost my moral compass, my spiritual guide, my father and my best friend. However, I was blessed to have spent 36 years under the warm, warm light of his glow. Some people do not get a day with a person like my father. I feel blessed!

My father lived his values everyday: Humanity, Humility, Integrity, Excellence. These were not just words to my father; these were doctrines in which to live. How you judge and how you will be judged. Last week, my mother and father were driving on C-470 and my father quoted the same line from the bible that Father Michael used in his sermon "may you live to see your children's children." Soon after that statement my father said "what more could I want?" "What more could I want?" That simple sentence tells the story of what kind of man my father was!

My father's eulogy would not be complete without mentioning my mom. They were truly soul mates. If you get a moment, please ask my mom how they met! Their life and love was pure Hollywood magic. It would make Romeo and Juliet look like a cheap supermarket harlequin novel. My father would not be the man that he was, without my mother for being the woman that she is!

As many of you know, my mother went to Trinity College in Washington DC for her undergraduate studies, then on to Fordham University for her Masters in Social Work. After that, she accepted the role of Chairman and CEO of the Padden household. Again, I feel blessed. We actually had professional, clinical help right there at home!

Faith was a cornerstone of my mother and father's life. One funny story is told that mom actually prayed that none of her children would be too smart or too good looking. This was done to ensure that none of her kids had additional external pressures while growing up. As one of her kids, I thank goodness that some prayers go completely unanswered!

My father traveled a lot when we were younger. When I was four years old, I began saying "good luck and good bye" to my father before he left on a trip. Today, I find myself, again, in front of my father before he leaves on another trip. One last time, I can say "good luck and good bye Dad...I love you!"