I often say I will get into heaven because I’m related to Ellen Padden. Picture heaven like the hottest nightclub in LA if you will. I’ll be at the door talking to the bouncer (who we’ll call “Pete”) saying “My maiden name is Padden. My MOM is Ellen Padden. I swear. I have my birth certificate. I can see her right there at the bar. She’s with Mother Theresa and Ghandi talking about fabric, I’m sure. Just go get her and she’ll tell you I’m cool and to let me in.”

She’s the lovliest lady. A true Lady with a capital L. Not lady like “I saw this lady at Safeway…” Lady. And Lovely with a capital L. Lovely to look at and lovely to be with. To me, my mom is the epitome of class and grace.

I have memories of being in the car with her when it was raining. She would be driving by a bus stop and see women taking the bus home after a day of cleaning someone’s house. She didn’t want them to take the bus home in the pouring rain and thought it no big deal to offer them a ride home. Who does that?

I’m enjoying getting older and getting to know her on a different level. I’m truly enjoying getting to know Ellen, the woman, instead of Ellen, my mom. She’s fascinating. Along with her interesting take on life she has fantastic quirks that my sibs and I laugh about and love. Recently I’ve discovered I’ve inherited the majority of them. How does that happen? Some women say with dread through clenched teeth “I’m turning into my mother.” I say it with a hint of joy and pride.

Here are the things I can think of that she does that I’ve started to do:

• My mom is a “woo-er”. She’ll yell out a “woo!” when she’s excited about something or when some fun music comes on. Going hand in hand with the woo-ing is the clapping. My mom’s clapping is solely with music but I have taken it up a notch and will just randomly clap, even without music.
• I think everyone’s mom does/did this but she was forever snapping at us to shut up while she was talking on the phone. She would have calm phone voice for the person on the receiving end of the call but on our end she was grimacing, snapping at us allthewhile giving us the eye. I am here to report, I officially do this now. This just started about two weeks ago and literally the first time I did it, I looked at my hand while snapping in shock wondering how the hell I was doing the very thing I made fun of my mom for doing for YEARS.
• She also always calls us by the wrong name and then says quickly “wait, who are you?” “Andrew, Roger, Meg Wait– Who are you?”  Yes. I am doing it. I’m so bad I’ve even called Peter “Mom”. Someone explain THAT to me.
• We both tend to take on too much, be overwhelmed by it, complain about being overwhelmed about it but then secretly revel in taking on a bunch of crap and accomplishing it. Case in point: (with my mom at least. Since the Lupus diagnosis I am the queen of saying No to things) A few weekends ago my parents were babysitting my sister’s crazy poodle, Bijou, having their bedroom painted so there is shit everywhere, having out of town guests for Saturday night as WELL as having my dad’s cousin and her husband over for dinner on Saturday night. See what I mean about taking on too much? “Cancel” I tell her, even though I know I probably wouldn’t either. The weekend came off without a hitch. Perhaps it’s the anxiety about everything that is addicting. I used to get sort of a rush when I would take on too much but end up pulling it off somehow. Those days are over now though. I just can’t hack it, plus I don’t think I want to.

I did something once that was “mom like” and my brother Andrew told me I was turning into mom and I immediately said “Thanks! That’s a total compliment” I like that I share so many or her traits, or have taken on so many of her mannerisms. Especially since I am far away from her, it makes me feel like she’s here with me. I think for as long as I live and long after she’s gone, it will make me happy.

Everybody has their things with their mother that make them nuts or whatever but I know with my mom everything comes from love. She loves me so much and that comes across in everything she does. She has always gone out of her way to make me feel special, loved and validated. Love is in the details and she shows that every day. She’s a tremendous example of what kind of woman, wife, mother, friend and sister I want to be and I am grateful for that.