After putting Hadley to bed last night I crawled into bed and said “I’m so tired today, I think I’m just going to crash.” I clicked on the TV just to watch the tail end of Oprah before drifting off to sleep and that’s when I noticed it in all of it’s glory…At the top of the screen it read “The Bachelor”. I squealed and was overcome with joy. I forgot it was Monday! Ok, perhaps a tad dramatic but it was a delicious ending to an exhausting child activity filled day. Pure drivel. Let me get my spoon because I’m going to eat this up. Peter just stared at me blankly as he caressed and whispered sweet nothings into his girlfriend’s ear. Yes, she was in bed with us. She is every single night. Her name, by the way, is DELL and he is completely captivated by her. Sometimes I’ll ask him something and he literally can’t look away from her. You can tell he’s trying to because he’s moving his head in my direction but his eyes stay on her and his fingers type maniacally…just…one …more ….thing. Enough about her.

I screamed at the tv for most of the show. Here are the big points:

Sarah W is a total psycho. Her family seemed nice and normal. Her dad was sweet.  What about that little speech about how she is different because of her looks and has always been noticed? Enough! She acts like she’s a fucking unicorn. Even her sister said something along the lines of “Men flock to Sarah.” Stop. And how she said“OH, I have dirt on Sarah B. I could ruin her!!!!” Uh huh… You’re scary. When she’s with Charlie she just giggles, repeats what he says and turns into a close talker. She honestly scares me a little.

Krisily’s family deserves their own sitcom. HILARIOUS. I love how her mom was all tan skin, bleached hair and zinc oxide lipstick. Good look, Mom. Her Nana was the best!  I want the Nana’s voice on our answering machine. Oddly, after seeing Krisily with her kooky family it endeared me to her. I like her more now.

The Ukrainian is still embarrassing and HER family!!! HA. First of all, they were all first in line at the Ugly store and went straight to the SALE rack. Eeek. Her mom! Total Lobotomy. “I REEEEEEEEEEAAALLY LIKE CHARLIE” ha. And of the Perogy talk? “If you and Charlie get married, you could take over the Perogy Store and Dad and I could retire!” It was just too much. Such good TV. What about when the ex boyfriend and Jenny came to the bar??? God, I could barely watch. Jenny humiliated herself on national TV. WHY oh WHY would she come back and plead her case again??? And the ex-boyfriend saying ‘Can he handle Kim Wild??’ and she got dead serious and said“Do not bring that up. I will never talk to you again”. Also her dress during the rose ceremony was so bad that I had to rewind and look at it again. It made her look 20 lbs heavier.

Sarah B is cute and seems real and down to earth. I’m waiting for her to drop the Christ bomb. You could see Charlie squirming when the family was saying grace at dinner.
Speaking of Charlie, this was the only episode where I kind of thought he seemed like a nice kid and he didn’t bug me at all. However, do not tell people you are an actor if you haven’t worked since the one episode of Sliders where you played your brother’s stand-in. That does not make you an actor. If he’s going down that road then I’m going to start telling people I’m a surgeon because I took out a splinter from Hadley’s finger last week.
All in all it was a good one. You know the producers were high fiving each other. You can’t write better stuff.

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