We packed up the munchkins yesterday and headed downtown. I always feel like I can breathe again as we cross the bridge over Lake Washington into downtown Seattle. Something about the realness of the city. I miss that. I feel like someone is sitting on my chest in Suburbia. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to be around all of the other breeders and their offspring for convenience purposes but it would be lovely to be near the buzz of the city. The smell of exhaust, the grittiness of the street, the bustle of city life, all of the indifferent folk rushing off to who knows where. I sighed happily and said to Peter “I love the city. Don’t you?” “No” he said. “I don’t. I just see dirty and scruffy children everywhere.” I see the same children but to me they are wordly. They recognize Basquiat. They appreciate culture. They know of other restaurants besides McDonalds. I realize I’m romanticizing the idea of living in the city a little bit. Just a little. I digress…

So we go to The Children’s Museum and right smack in front of the Children’s Museum is this outdoor little year round carnival called Fun Forest. It’s filled with the usual carnival rides, carousel, ferris wheel, etc. Hadley LOVES it and insisted we go on the rides. (Translation: fork over $15 for some crappy rides)

We get on the Ferris Wheel and I’m trying to hide my fear. I hate heights especially when you’re teetering mid-air in a Dixie cup with two little swinging doors and no seat belts. Hadley is delighted and keep squealing “HI DADDY” to Peter who is standing on the luscious safe ground below with Finn on his back. I am holding Hadley on my lap gradually tightening my grip on her thinking back to the CSI episode where they found a dead body beneath the Ferris Wheel…or was it the roller coaster. Whatever. About half way through the ride Hadley pipes up “I want to go over there!” “Over there” is the other side of the little teetering box. There is a little bench on either side. We had both been sitting on one side. My heart drops as I do not want to let go of her but I know I have to because there is no reason no to. (I know I know…the symbolism is nauseating) So I let go. She hops over to the other side, making the little box teeter even more and I literally feel like I’m going to puke. She smiles at me from the other side feeling big. I am leaning over as far as I can with my hands outstretched trying to look casual. She smiles at me and says “Don’t worry Mama, I’m being Super Duper Safe.”

Did my baby just say “super duper?” Aw.

I relax a little, and by “relax a little” I mean “start to breathe”, just enough to enjoy the moment of my girl feeling big.

I have been having more and more of these moments lately with her. Of course I love her but I’m finding I like her a whole lot. She’s good people and I see her becoming a truly great woman. She’s been saying lately “I’m a clever girl, Mama.” Yes, you are.