I was in a snarky mood this morning while grocery shopping because I didn't get the Memo that said today was the day for "the most annoying people in the world to shop" day. EVERY aisle I went down there was some sort of commotion, whether it be the overly friendly stocker who sings and tries to make small talk, the lady with 17 unruly kids in one cart, or the developmentally delayed bagger who knew everything about maple syrup (aw), they were all there. I JUST want to shop in peace and listen to the Musak while I peruse each aisle admiring fabulously packaged food items. I don't want to talk or make small talk. It doesn't help that I have the world's cutest baby on my back (Finn) flirting with everything in sight. He was even flirting with his own reflection in the frozen foods aisle. Babies make people want to stop and spew crazy at you. Don't get me wrong. I'm not a total asshole. Sometimes it's fun to chat with strangers and swap stories with moms but this morning I just wasn't up for it. You know how your office phone has a DND button? (Do Not Disturb) Sometimes I wish I had one of those on my head. Of course there would still be the people who would ignore that too. When I was working and I'd put on the DND button there would STILL  be people who would barge in and say "I know you have your Do Not Disturb" on but I just have one quick question".
"Yes, I'm sure you do" I'd say sweetly as I walked them back away from my desk.

I finally watched Showdog Moms and Dads and I think that woman/handler who was traveling with Lourdes put me in a bad mood for days. JESUS, she was annoying. The editing was genius too...just made her SO much more annoying. I love that Lourdes woman though. She's always about to cry in her Tammy Faye Makeup and long ass fake ponytail. Sweet woman with her big old German Shepards. I always laugh at Brandon and Ryan because they're funny fags. Even they know they're full of drama. The scene at the dog park had me screaming and pointing at the screen. It was at Marymoor Park which is close to our house! (They are from Seattle) They have a phenomenal dog park that is just unbelieveable. You have to see it to believe it. Our lab Atticus is the laziest dog around and the only labrador retriever I've met who doesn't retriev or swim. When we take him there suddenly he's like "Maybe I'll stop by REI on the way home and get one of those Dog Backpacks and start hiking! I could do it!!" I digress..

I hate that mom, Moira. Shocker she's married to a cop. She just has that air about her. Like you know they arm wrestled when they were dating, or perhaps they still do. I just think she's kind of a crappy mother. Why all of the drama surrounding the model and the dog? "Did she have to be so obnoxious about it? The kid Adam has and will continue to have emotional problems. He's going to be a freak.

George and Connie are funny freaks. I just find them endlessly interesting and quirky. The whole anal sac expressing scene was hilarious. I didn't even know about the existence of anal sacs until Emily VanDerhule told me about them. Her dog Jack (shout out to the beautiful Great Dane!) had them expressed every so often. Blech.  You know Connie and George play weird sex games. I could just see him putting on his judging uniform and making her pretend she's a showdog in bed. Snicker snicker.

Kyra is sort of sad to me. I just don't get her. I think they should start socking money away for when that dog dies because you know she's going to stuff it and keep it in the house and still talk to it. I was going to say she's going to go crazy when the dog dies, but clearly she already is. Her relationship with her husband is bizarre too. He literally seems like her dad. Perhaps it's the cameras. Perhaps he totally doesn't want to be involved and she wanted to do it for "Chalcy's career" but their relationship just seems platonic and strange.

I love love love new books. I love the smell of them. I love how when you open up a new one you have to crack the new spine. I just love books. My love of books came rushing back to me when I saw something in Hadley's cubby a couple of weeks ago. It was the Scholastic Book Order form. Do you remember those?!?!? I literally squealed a little. I used to take it home and pour over it, reading every little blurb and thinking very carefully about which books I would choose. Then you put a check mark in the column next to the book you want and cut out the little form so you could return it to your teacher. I would wait so anxiously for the arrival of the books. God I loved that. Books were big in our house growing up. We had toys too but there was a BIG emphasis put on books. My grandmother wouldn't buy us anything BUT books. "But Gramma, I want the Eazy Bake Oven!!" I'd whine. "Buy a book about it" she'd say sternly in her fabulously thick Boston accent. 

So, the girl's books arrived today and after I dropped her off I got back in the car with the bag of books and sat there for a moment as the car filled with new book smell. I'm such a nerd but I'll probably sit there and read every one before the girl gets home from school this afternoon. Sigh...it's the small things sometimes. New books is a big one. My husband is a total book nerd. I originally didn't want bookshelves because interestingly, while I love books, I hate clutter and didn't want shelves and shelves of books to dust and make clutter. He insisted and I'm glad he did. I'll be on the floor with Finn and glance over at a book I haven't seen in a while and grab it. Cut to 30 minutes later and I'm fully immersed in the book while still laying on the floor. (Finn is eating cat food at this point)

I haven't commented on American Idol lately because I'm so bored with it. I literally fast forward through the whole thing (GLORIOUS TIVO) because I hate everyone so much. I think Carrie will probably win. Why Scott Savol is still there is beyond me. Someone needs to tap him on the shoulder too and tell him he's white. A big fat white guy. "I'm just trying to keep it real" Um, really? Aren't you from like Ohio?

America's Next Top Model is still as juicy as ever. Tyra YELLED at that girl. Sheesh. And even though I liked Rebecca she was total snoozeville. Her face was the same in every shot. I love how she was all uncomfortable to pose with the male model saying she was engaged and it made her uncomfortable. Um, if you win  you'll be doing a whole hell of a lot of this and by that time you'll be married there, farm girl.

I love Tyra. I think she's a baby Oprah. She just seems like a smart, grounded girl. I have also grown to love Janice. The juxtaposition of her personality and vanity and her boyfriend Jon Lovitz is genius.

My favorite things lately:

• cookie dough - I will just make the shit and sit there and eat a bowl of it. Mmmmm.
• Hanky Panky underwear - Fabulous. My darling girl Claire Moynihan said they are so great because they are comfortable AND sexy, which is so rare and she's totally right.
• Chapstick Medicated - I have one in every room I swear
• The fact that my husband was home sick from work yesterday and at the end of the day said "You do this ALL day? (talking about the munchkins) GOD. They are pains in the asses." Ahh...validation is so so so so so so sweet.

Sorry I can't spellcheck because I have yet to get the new version of blogjet...a-hem...Peter?