I just read the phrase ‘dentally challenged’ and am going to steal it and use it for my very own. I love it. I have issues with the dentally challenged. I admit it. I am a teeth snob. I know it is awful and shallow blah blah blah. I just can’t help but stare and it takes everything I have not to walk by and go “cough cough DENTIST cough cough”. When quizzing my single friends about men, my first question is always “Does he have nice teeth?” My husband says I’m the only person he knows who asks “How was the dentist?!??!” excitedly when he returns from the dentist as if something fantastic happened. In my opinion, it did. Your teeth got a good scrubbing. That is fantastic. I wish I could go more than twice a year.

In addition to being a teeth snob, I am a word nerd. A vocabulary snob if you will. My big pet peeve is when people use words incorrectly. The word of choice lately is “irreardless”. People, this is NOT a word. One day some idiot decided to blend irrespective and regardless and the rest of the world caught on. Stop doing it. I get a physical reaction when I hear a word used incorrectly. Seriously, I stop hearing what the person is saying after the wrong word is used and white noise replaces their voice. I was talking to a doctor, a DOCTOR, mind you, so this person went to school for a million years and had her head buried in books for a good portion of a decade, and she said “Irregardless of—Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” I have no idea what she said after that because I felt like someone hit me in the face when I heard the word. I was thinking:

“BLECH! She just said irregardless. Did she? Yes, she did. Are you fucking kidding me? I’m paying someone to say irregardless to me? I wonder where she heard it or if she’s one of the millions who just made it up too. I wonder what other words she misuses? Dear God, what if she says ‘broughten’”…

My mom and sister are word nerds too. One afternoon we were all in the mall, and we were laughing at the word “boughten” As in “I should have boughten that sweater. I love it!” It is the dirty second cousin of ‘broughten’. We all got a good chuckle and then went into a swimsuit store so I could buy a suit. I was showing my mom and sister a suit and the dentally challenged clerk said, and I kid you not, “I love that suit on you. I should’ve boughten that one” The white noise started and I looked at my mom and sister and closed the changing room door for fear of laughing right in her face. Not at the poor girl (well, yes) but at the fact that we were JUST talking about that word!