I love the piano and in particular I love Jim Brickman, otherwise known as America’s Newest Piano Sensation. (Seriously, it says that on the ticket). I worked in radio years back and met him once through my friend Emily Andrews. Not only is he darling and sincere but funny and super talented. He plays the piano and tells stories throughout. Anyway, Peter surprised me with some tickets and we went to the show on Saturday night. I knew it would be full of middle aged cheeseballs who listen to Delilah every night but I was excited to be out and about in downtown Seattle.

We settle into our seats and the announcer comes on and introduces a “VERY special guest”…DELILAH! The audience wigged. There were cheers throughout. Peter and I smiled at each other. She blabs for a while about how long she’s known Jim, and that on one of his new albums he does a duet with Michael Bolton. When his name was mentioned there was a collective “Oooooo!” from the audience. This threw us into hysterics.

When Brickman finally came on, he did not disappoint. He’s a lovely man who plays lovely piano. Peter the musician, enjoyed it but thinks everything sounds the same. He’s right but I still like it.

I love going to shows because I love theater and the like but I also LOVE to people watch and see what people deem as acceptable “going out” clothes. Good Lord there are TON of hideously dressed folk out there. This is what I wanted to yell out at one time or another throughout the evening.

1. White opened toed sandals are cheesy unless you are under 12 and if you are over 12 and still wearing them, pairing them with nude hose could get you shot.

2. If you are wearing a loud flowery trench type jacket, do not, by any means, attempt to accesorize with a big velvet hat with a huge flower on it. You are a 40 year old woman, not Blossom

3. If you are a woman and have a gut, do not draw attention to it. This means you cannot wear tight midriff baring tops. I’m sorry but you just can’t and when you showed your friend Denise your outift and she said “Yeah, it looks really good!” She was lying to your face.

4. Concerts, Theater Events, and plays are not the same thing as prom so you do not need to haul that dress from 1987 out and wear it. It is inappropriate and ill fitting and you look like an asshole. You would be better off with basic black pants and a subdued top. If you’re thinking “Oh, she can’t be talking to me, my dress looks really nice”. NO IT DOESN’T. I’m glad it still fits you but it is shiny, too short and tired and I repeat, you look like an asshole. Especially with nude hose and white opened toed sandals.